::How are you guys with your fathers?

Mark asked me not too long ago whether i miss mine.
I thought about it for awhile.
Well, it's been awhile that anyone talked to me about my father. And it's been awhile that Mark and I had serious talks. So i was caught dumbfounded. At that moment i really didn't know what to say.

Do I? or do i not?

I guess i've left this portion of me alone for awhile while i was taking on the world. Today, it has decided to haunt me once again.

Ever felt really loved by your dad? And you're thinking of getting him something for dinner tonight? I envy you.
Do you hate your father for not letting you out on a saturday? Hate him because you can't do the things you want to do? I envy you.

Well, treat them nice no matter how they treat you. I believe, deep down inside their hearts cry when you do. Don't take them for granted. Please.

"I will run a mile
just to see you smile.
I will not cry
Just to keep your eyes dry"

One hurt found. One wound closed.::

.:I blogged on 12:30 AM:.
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::Today, i play the role of a sexist.

Now before you get frantic with anger and frustration screaming, "What can be worst then a male chauvinistic pig!?", I'll save you the trouble of asking. Answer: What's worst then a male chauvinist is a woman who doesn't do what she was told to do.

"Dixon, why are you still single?"

I don't know. Girls don't seem to like me and i've no idea why.

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Anyway, i had an interesting talk with a buddy of mine just yesterday. And suprisingly, we somehow stumbled into the topic, girls. You see, when guys come together, we usually talk about sports, cars, video games, golf, britney but seldom will we talk about girls. It's just not masculine. Not a guy thing. I'm guessing we were drunk then. So he went on about how he had a girlfriend and they broke up but he still loves her. How he wish he can stop thinking about her. How he tries his hardest to keep his mind busy... He asked me what was on my mind..

I thought...I thought it was rather silly that he's doing everything that he doesn't want to do.

I can't say that i'm an expert at the game of love. In fact, i'm just as clueless. But i do know however, that we shouldn't run away from it. It'll just haunt us more.

Analogy: If you're hungry, you don't go starving yourself. You find food.

Now, i'm not asking everyone to jump right in and be lead by your feelings. All i'm saying is that you should find "healthier food".

"Oh no...here we go...Dixon's on it again...give us a break..."

Shut up and listen. Instead of getting into a BG relationship, be friends.

"Yes but i'll feel weird"

If that's what you're saying, trust me when i say you've got your motives to start a relationship wrong. All healthy relationships start off with the couple being friends, enjoying what friends do. You don't think so? Okay, stop reading now. The rest will also mean nothing to you.

I believe that for guys, you've got to get your stuff right. You've got to be steady steady bom pi pi. You know what i mean? As a bible believeing christian, i like to take adam as an example. When God first made him, what did God do? He gave Adam the whole of eden to reign in. Gave him the authority to name the beasts. (I'll call a baboon Redalert by the way) Gave Him a field to play soccer in. Only when God thinks that Adam's got it, he's ready and knows how to look after himself, God gave Adam Eve. Similiarly, if you really want a relationship that will last and not a girl just to hug or a guy to spend his money, you need first to be steady steady bom pi pi.

I think that's it. But i'll love to end with this. It's not easy... I'm still learning as well. Let's get this together.::

.:I blogged on 1:13 PM:.
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::I love to song write. during the happy times, during the sad times. Why? Well, i don't know. But they say that music can heal your soul. Some even wrote songs about that. "let the music heal your soul"? ring any bell besides your door bell, church bell, taco bell?

Anyway, i'm attempting another song. here's the draft

" I'm lost for words
i cannot speak

the love you've shown
is mine to own

I don't deserve the grace you give
You gave yourself for me to live

You washed our feets
when you are King

you walked the road
that was meant for me

You blessed the ones
that cursed your soul

You lived your life to set us free"

well, there we go. I hope all you pretty people (guys and girls) will like it. Better yet, it's making you think a little =)::

.:I blogged on 3:42 PM:.
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::I could never have seen the blessings
The little things that i took for granted.
Now that i've slowed down, everything's falling into place.
And it's beautiful

So i've decided to write a song
It goes something like this

"If only i knew
the wind that whispered
was your voice all along

If only i knew
the clouds that sheltered me
were your hands all along

If only i knew
the colors in the sky
are the promises that you gave me
If only i knew"

Fortunate for me, now i know.

I was reminded of a short clip that was projected during TNT(Tried and True, my youth church)one day. The scene of a man. Blood gushing out from open wounds all over his body. A crowd gathered. Some were laughing, others were in tears, some were silent, some couldn't be bothered. I watch as the man climbed the hill, weak as he was, he climbed. He had only one thought in mind.

Us.::

.:I blogged on 8:34 AM:.
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::I went for my medical check-up today. Had my blood pressure taken and it's slightly low.
They say it's stress. I think they are right.

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I've a story to tell. It's been told but i'll say it again anyway.

There was once a clown, who makes people happy. But deep down inside, he's really sad. Also...
....to be continued...

Well, I dreamt that i will make it big one day. Today, i've decided to live it out.::

.:I blogged on 11:09 AM:.
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::I give up::

.:I blogged on 10:02 PM:.
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